I know I haven't blogged in a few months, so it's time catch up. Right now the rainy season has set in. I like the rain, but not when it gets chilling and windy. The cold sets in and all you really want to sit by a cozy fire with a cup of hot chocolate with small marshmallows(in my case, a tiny heater). During my quiet time I came to realize how necessary rain is. Rain is the sustenance that allows growth. I know many people don't like the rain, but it's like the same as not liking to face adversity and trials. The rain pours on everyone alike, and everyone responds to it differently. If we do not allow to the rain to pour down our life, the scorching heat of the summer winds will whither away anything else. It seems simple, but it was a reminder for me to allow the rain to shower on my life.
Right now, I still lack direction with my life. I wake up not knowing what my life will produce. I sometimes have sleepless nights pondering what my future will be. A lot of anxiety is troubling me, mostly from a need to perform and a need to find worth. I want to prove my worth to my family to let them know that I am capable, even in the midst of failure. I don't know whether this is the path God wants me to take. I feel so lost right now, and I don't know which way to run. Every step seems to be in the wrong direction, and my life is at a standstill. Direction seems so elusive. I want to walk with God stronger and deeper so that he would guide me, but his presence feels faint every step I take. I trust in him still where ever he will lead me.
